Who Am I? Personal Branding in Womanhood. | The Overflow Collective

We are always branding ourselves. Isn’t it a funny little thing? We do it in business, we do it in every relationship. What’s the next achievement or milestone we can make? Why?

Women are ever changing. We are resilient, we adapt, we learn, love, and grow into exactly who we need to be. Who can imagine what pain comes with that process? In each phase of our lives, we ask ourselves the same question. Who am I? This carries so much weight. It’s not just who I am but what do I deserve, and am I worthy of love?

As a young girl, we would look to our dads and say, “daddy, do I look pretty?” For some of us, it may have been our moms because she is the only one we had. Most often, it was the male father-figure we had in our lives. Why was it so important to get that approval? What was missing that made us feel like we needed it so much and what makes us continue to feel like we need approval? The frustrating part is that this is not just a one-time thing or even a few times through out life. We find ourselves asking, who am I as a teen, who am I as a friend, who am I as a daughter? Who am I as a girlfriend or wife and who should I be in this relationship? How do I deserve to be treated? And we arrive at that answer based off of the value that we have assigned ourselves. Not from any real facts that we have fairly judged ourselves by but by how others have loved us. Did it begin in childhood? Because it doesn’t stop there. We will go on to ask this question each time we enter into a relationship, who am I? Who am I as an employee, a marriage partner, and a mother… who AM I as a daughter and a friend? And we are sadly never quite sure because at every turn, we will need a reminder, validation that we are good and worthy of love, time, and effort. What about exiting motherhood? I can feel the pain deep in my gut already churning the day my oldest moves out. That moment of searing pain when he doesn’t really need me anymore. Dear Lord, I pray that he chooses me though. I pray that he, and all my children really WANT me. I’ve spent a lifetime building them up and making them into good humans so what is it that I need here? I deeply want to know in my soul that they feel like I have done a good job. Yet, I KNOW I have done a good job, the very best I could with my entire soul I poured it all out for them every single day. Even the days I failed. I loved.

The real questions we should be asking are, how well did I love them and did I let them know my heart, the ever-changing, ever-growing, always healing, best of me? Not perfection. Just me.

No matter what someone says or thinks about us, it does not change who we really are. The measure of each of us is found by observing what is in our heart, how we lived, and how we loved-these are the essence of who we are. From birth, each one of us have had our own unique voice, spirit, thoughts, smile, our unique finger-print, our personality, our nature and disposition. Our introversion or extroversion, talents and gifts, preferences, one-of-a-kind scent, and the way we laugh are beautiful and belong intrinsically to us. No one in the world can take any of those things from us, they ARE us. We are more than what we can get done, how many cookies we can bake, or how much money we can make. We are culmination of our hopes, dreams, beliefs and all specific little intricacies that sum up the immeasurable value of our existence.

While it’s nice to have someone’s approval, we shouldn’t live for it. Whether a person ever realizes your value or not has no impact on how valuable you really are. If one person does not speak your language, someone else will. Once you see your worth and the beauty it creates, you can’t unsee it. You will transform into your imperfectly perfect diamond-shape and physically will not be able to make yourself fit with anyone who sees you as just a rock. You have made it so far and been through the fire so many times that you now find peace in loving the scars made in the journey of your life; the beauty you always wanted to have but never knew how see the unfathomable beauty you already possessed.

No one will ever convince us we are beautiful. It’s something we all must learn over time.

-Kandice Hanley

If you are feeling stuck in personal life or how you see yourself and it’s blocking you from making big decisions or life-changes, there is hope. I offer one on one meetings to help guide you and give you a new perspective in life. I assist with many struggles women have from self-love to skincare, natural supplements for health, fitness, dating/relationships, and peri-menopausal support, I can help.