Columbia SC Photographer | Words of Wisdom for Women | Kandice Marie
Mothers are caretakers who love fiercely. Burnout is inevitable.
The older I get, the more I realize I have so much to offer but never understood a way that I could put it all in one please so that people would know they could reach out to me. It’s true what they say that when you become 40, things change. Geez, they were not kidding. I never imagined any special magic in any number and truly there likely isn’t anything to that BUT I believe this is about how long it takes for us to have enough life experience to bring us to a point where we truly start to value the important things. Important things being everything that has happened in our lives to mature us and get us where we are. Some of those things are not so pleasant and some are wonderful. It’s after 40 that we begin to understand that all those things we though were so important in our 20’s really are the smallest of importance now.
One of the things that I thought meant so much and would fight hard to keep up appearances for was the house. I wanted it spotless like a museum as my oldest child and husband would say. No, my husband isn’t the oldest child I am referring to (haha). Somewhere between child two and three you kinda give up on this though. I was not only tired but realized that I wanted to savor more moments with them, just taking it in and not worrying if we made a mess. We really experienced this a lot when one of the kids would ask to help me cook or bake. Oh man, I wanted to control the mess level and that meant I would refrain from giving them control over the flour or eggs to avoid messes. Then I realized that I was denying them this memory and growth as well as the experiences. We always tell our kids, people are more important than things. Do we really live that way though? If our child drops pudding on carpet, what do we do? We probably panic, yell a little, and freak out. I know I kinda used to more than I’d like to admit. I have grown enough to take a deep breath now and think about the future. How will they remember me as they become adults? This question rings in my head every day. What will they remember about their childhood? Goodness, I just want them to feel warmth when they think of me. I want the good memories to far outweigh the bad ones.
It’s really important for you as a woman to know that you are going to replay the worst things over and over in your head thinking you have ruined the entire day. Take comfort in knowing that others’ experience of that same situation may be entirely different. Since we are creatures who live out of our own perspectives, this can really get us into trouble and ruin our memories. We assume other people have the same account as we do. Turns out, human perception and memory is a terrible measure of facts. I find that confessing our feelings and human limits, we show accountability. This is huge in any relationship! We must accept that we were never meant to be perfect and there are going to have situations where we didn’t handle things exactly like we would have hoped. This acceptance is essential to righting a wrong when we have a moment of loss of self-control (temper), or loss of focus on what matters. Your loved ones will remember more your accountability and showing compassion towards yourself than if you get angry, lose it and then just pretend nothing happened while you continue to stew on it. That anger comes out one way or another. Each way of acting can send a very different message. Accept it, hey I am human and I acted out and really want to be better, then forgive yourself while focusing on steps to catch yourself before you get frustrated again. It’s ok to say I need a time out! This teaches children and adults that it is a safe place for them to also give themselves grace. It’s very healthy!
I just want to give you a gentle reminder to love yourself today. You must take care of you by putting the oxygen mask on yourself first. Romanticize your life a bit. Running an errand? Pick up that favorite latte, turn up the music, and make it a whole vibe. Take the little breaks. Train your brain to see things differently than you did last week. Today is a new day. Embrace the mistakes, the chaos, the little sweet moments, and know this is all about finding joy in the journey.
Find joy in the every day
Your loved ones will remember you for your love of life and the time you shared with them.
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